so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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