Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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