she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
