Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
