i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
