This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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