My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
