just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
