I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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