Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
