you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
