I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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