I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
