I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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