You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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