i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
