woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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