I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
