I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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