I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
