I cockslap morals
this just has baby written all over it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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