Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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