So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
