Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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