so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
