Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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