WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
