I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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