Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
