So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
