Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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