Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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