I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
