Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
