I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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