she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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