you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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