My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
