wanna go halves on a baby?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
