How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
