How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
