dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
