Im at strip club and am horny
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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