just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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