I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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