he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize