was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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