I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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