this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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