id be glad to
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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