Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
