I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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