nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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