she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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