Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
