At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize