i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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