doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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