I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
