Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
