Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
