five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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