My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
