saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
