you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
