just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
