shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
