Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
