My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
