We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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