Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
