I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize