i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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