So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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