I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
