A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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