He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im holly from the hills drunk
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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