i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
