You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
