So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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