please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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