I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
