apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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