I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
