Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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