how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
last night I used snow as a chaser
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