I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
