Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
