end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
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I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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