I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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